Responsive Desire

Welcome to responsive desire. It's craving and longing sensory seduction through your partner's touch, taste, smell, sound, sight.

Whereas my previous post on this topic focused on establishing the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, this post is all about how to cultivate it in our relationships. Because it's physical leaning in nature, this type of longing thrives in an environment where our senses are activated and the subtleties of pleasure are slowly explored. In order for this to happen, however, we need to be physically and mentally present. If I had to narrow it down to one word, it would be this: mindfulness.

But how does one achieve a constant state of mindfulness in a world where time is ticking and we have to move from one activity to the next in order to keep up with the daily demands from work, children, family, friends and relationships? The answer is we don't. Unless you're a buddhist monk, I don't think we can ever be in a pure state of mindfulness. We can, however, integrate simple activities into our daily routine that will help us tap and immerse ourselves into this state. The more you do them, the easier it will get, the more present you will become.

What comes easy won’t last long; what lasts long won’t come easy. If you are in a long-term committed relationship and you're serious about keeping the sexual spark alive, it will require dedication and work from both sides.

Try the activities below to create an environment in which sexual energy can be heightened:

• The Art of Kissing
• (Taoist) Meditation
• Yoga
• Bring awareness to your breath by practicing breathwork
• Engage in Fluent Body Work/Conscious Dancing
• Practice sensate focus
• Practice non ejaculation and the sublimation of sexual energy